Raising Responsible Kids....

It is a much cooler (20 some degrees) and blustery morning this morning.


I had the blissful experience of sleeping until 6:27 am, at which point Max the 80 lb puppy told me it was time to get food in his belly.

So, well armed with coffee and fuzzy slippers I took to taking care of the dogs and doing my devotions. When it was light enough, I took the photo of the yard and the skies....definitely winter-ish.

I am excited this morning because I get to do one of the things that I love most, which is speak with moms about raising their children! Being a wife and mother is why I feel I was placed on this earth, with the additional gift of being able to share from my experiences to help and encourage other moms. What a great gig!

This morning I will be speaking to the dear mommies that attend MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church. I will share what I have learned about raising my daughters, who at this point in their lives (almost 23 years, and the twins, 20 years), are very responsible, successful and happy most days!

If you have been reading recent posts, you will see what each of my daughters has had to say about growing around me...not always a walk in the park because I "lose it" just like everyone else. But, in the end, through all of history, most glorious, some painful, I think we had more wins than losses, and God has been so very good to us.

Since I am doing this same talk for another moms group in a couple of weeks, and have done it a few times in the past, I decided to invest some extra time and recreate a couple of the tools that I used with my own girls. Here they are:

In an effort to raise responsible, organized and generous children, I borrowed a system that I had heard about for them to save their money. Any money that they received, they put 40% in spend, 40% in save and 20% in give. The vehicle for saving took many forms over the years....jars, envelopes, whatever was handy (always cute), and something they were excited about.

This is a replica of the chore charts they had when they were young. They got to pick from a number of tasks pictured on cards with a one word description (pre-reading skills), and they picked a certain number for the week. They would pull a card from to do, do the task and then place it in done. The tasks were always about being age appropriate, relevant to them at their age, and once done give them a feeling of success.

Also, in my increasing efforts to "go green," I didn't provide a packet of handouts for everyone, but instead am making some of the items I referenced available here  for those that are interested. Please, help yourself.

I can't wait to hear how you help your kids grow up to be amazing! Leave me a comment and we will share our ideas.

And, if you know someone that would like to hear more about this, let me know. This is what I LOVE to do...

you're responsible for you.

i am the last, but not the least to post!! sorry i haven't been blogging lately. twenty credits, working the days i'm not in school, fundraising, and planning haiti mission teams really keep me busy!!

so i'm supposed to write about how my mother turned me into such a well-behaved young lady. well, seeing as i really don't remember much from my childhood, i found this blog post very difficult to write. [obviously, since i put it off for quite a while..] but here i am. writing it.

when she told me what she wanted me to write about, immediately one memory came to mind. well, probably just a memory because i've heard the story so many times, but even so, a memory.

my mom took my sisters and i grocery shopping one day. obviously when you're a kid you're either messing around, thinking about how bored your are, or looking at all the things you want to get while you're grocery shopping with mom. well, i knew what i wanted; a big bag of suckers. my mom always taught us to eat healthy so obviously she wouldn't buy me a giant bag of bubblegum suckers. so when we were waiting in line at the register, i just took them.

i guess at that age i wasn't really sure what was going to happen if i was caught and maybe i didn't even know what i was doing! i honestly don't remember what i was thinking besides how much i wanted a sucker.

so when we got home my mom realized what i had done. instead of just taking the suckers away and punishing me, she did me one better. my mother took me and my sisters alllll the way back to the store where she then made me return the bag of suckers and apologize to the cashier.

boy, was that the most embarrassing moment of my little life. it was then and there i realized one: that stealing was bad and two: that i needed to take responsibility for what i had done. she didn't just put me in a time-out at home. she made me go face the very person i had stolen from. although i'm sure i was ashamed and embarrassed at the time, but i am so glad my mom taught me that lesson.

i mean, i didn't just learn not to steal, but i knew from then on if i did something wrong it was only my fault. i couldn't blame someone else or just hide from what i'd done. you always need to take responsibility.

also, she definitely taught my sisters and i the value of money and responsibility with it. i think we were around 13 or 14 when my mom told us that from then on we were responsible for buying clothes that we wanted. she would take us school shopping once or twice a year and get us clothing, but if we wanted anything extra we needed to pay for it.

this taught me that i can't just ask for anything i want and get it. we had to earn things we wanted. i know so many people i've grown up with and gone to school with that don't have value in anything because their parents just give it to them. i mean, i can't even remember the last time my parents just gave me money because i asked for it. i'm not even sure if that EVER happened when i was growing up.

i just see all these kids today throwing money away like it's nothing and they're not even grateful for it! i am SO thankful that my mom instilled that in us at such a young age. i think that kept us grounded and thankful for everything that we did get. there are kids my age that are still asking mom and dad for money for everything they want. i take pride in the fact that i pay for my own car every month, i pay for my own clothes, i pay for extra fun things i want to go out and do with my friends, i pay for new tires, i could go on and on. i mean, i feel like if i didn't pay for it myself i just won't have as much value for it.

another thing my mom always taught us was to be polite. i can't tell you how many times my friends parents have commented on how polite i am. and they always say something like "oh i wish johnny here spoke to me as nicely as you do!" that always makes me sad. and to see how some of kids treat their parents. it's like no one's teaching their kids respect anymore. at tim hortons and at the movie theater i have seen some of the rudest children ever. they just yell and scream and speak to their parents like they're inferior. and i don't think they mean to or even know they're doing it! it's just how they've learned to get what they want. i just wish kids were still learning the kind of politeness and respect that i was taught when i was growing up.

i am so thankful for how my mom [and tom!!] raised my sisters and i. almost every time i go over to a friends house i am reminded of what amazing parents God has blessed me with. i truly believe that the way i was raised has had a HUGE impact on my performance in school, work, and my life. and now that i've started typing there's more i want to say! but i'm babysitting and i think she just got home so i've got to wrap it up. thanks for being just good parents mom and tom!! we love you!

"Did you do your best?"

My mom asked me to post about how I thought I became a responsible and successful young woman. I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and it wasn't really a list or a specific lesson that came to mind.

I think the thing that has really made me successful and responsible is the fact that I was always encouraged to be proud of myself and my work. When I did great at something, like an assignment or a role in a play, I was made to feel proud of myself. When I didn't do so well at something, my mom always asked me, "did you do your best?" If I had, then I had no reason not to be proud of my performance.

I knew that my parents were proud of me, of course, but I was also taught to be proud of what I have done. In middle school and high school, my friends would tell me about how their parents were upset with them for grades they had gotten or how their parents pressured them into spending long hours on homework or something else. I never felt like I was being pressured, though. I wanted to do well because it made me feel good, because I knew that the things I did represented me. And I knew that if I tried my best I had something to be proud of.

Unfortunately, I don't know exactly how this sense of self-pride was instilled. I think it has something to do with positive reinforcement for good behavior and only asking for someone to do her best. I know a lot of kids that I went to school with resented their parents for nagging them about grades or activities or anything else, but I always felt like I was supported or steered gently in the right direction.

Sorry I'm not on Facebook anymore, everybody! I'll be back soon, probably. It was a crazy two weeks of school (four papers, an oral exam, and two presentations) and I needed to eliminate all the time-wasters I could. Don't worry, I did my best on all of them...

Doing laundry...

Today I am sitting here while I have the most perfect batch off cookies in the oven. When my mom asked me to write about responsibilities or things I have found useful in my college career I honestly had no idea what to write on. But, then it came to me. I am a Resident Assistant [someone who looks over a floor in a Res Hall to make sure everyone is safe and following the rules, also someone to help create community and someone people can talk to about any issues] to over 200 people and I have some great insight on how my life is different from so many others.

Growing up, my mother always made us do our laundry and pack our own lunches. I tell people she has made us do that since Second Grade but that might just be an exaggeration. In a college community, knowing how to do laundry is a GREAT asset. I have seen dozens of freshman not know how to do laundry so I, or others, end up having to teach a group. It is incredibly useful to be able to do your own laundry. Another great thing that I was taught growing up was how to eat healthy. One might think, "If I talk to my son or daughter about eating the right things then they will be fine when they go to school". But to be honest, if you are not feeding your child the right kinds of foods growing up then they will have no idea how to stay healthy on their own. I was fortunate enough not to gain the 'freshman 15' but, I know so many of my residents that have already gained weight in 2 months because at our cafeteria there is always ice cream, cookies, and cake available. One can eat how ever much they want and there is no one to tell them no. If you instill on someone at a young age that eating healthy is important, it is less likely they will have an issue when they are on their own.

I think one of the most important skills to know when going away to college is knowing what your morals and boundaries are. I was lucky to have such strong parents that taught me right from wrong. But, I know many people that do not have those values. I have been able to keep a good head on my shoulders and make smart decisions for almost 2.5 years of school.

Something else that has been very useful for me is knowing how to cook/baking. Hanging out in a kitchen eating good food brings people together like you wouldn't believe. Especially college students. I bake at least once a week and I always have tons of people in and out of the kitchen asking if they can have some of what I made or just hanging out and talking. It really is a great way to get to know people.

I never really thought about how much what my mom has taught me has really affected how I live my day to day life. Everything I do correlates back to how she raised me and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, she was very strict but everything I learned from her has made me the person I am. Being strict really does work. But, don't be overly strict! Having skills that my mom taught me from when I was young has really helped me succeed at college. I can never thank her enough for all that she has done for me!

From Loveland, CO

Well, I have been off the face of the earth for a long while now. I'm very sorry about that. This summer I have had the great opportunity to travel the US while working. Probably the best thing I could have done! It's so much fun! We have been to so many different places and have tasted some really great foods along the way. I don't have a lot to say tonight as that I am very exhausted and we have so much driving to do in the next few days. We are driving 9 hours tomorrow to Jackson Wyoming then we are making our way to Idaho. But yes, I'm tired form everything going on so I will try to write more later. Sorry this is so short!

the time has come! [the walrus said.]

monday is the day; my mom, julianne, and i are headed to haiti.

here's our itinerary:

- leave detroit airport at 7:15pm [?] i should probably figure that out...

- arrive in fort lauderdale around 10:00pm.

- go to sleeeep.

- leave fort lauderdale airport at 7:25am.

- arrive in port-au-prince, haiti [!!!] at 8:26am haitian time; so 9:26am our time.

- july 13th-july 27th: HAVE FUN WITH OUR BEAUTIFUL HAITIAN BABIES.

- july 19th-23rd: julie and i are doing a VBS with the orphans! [more info about that later.]

- leave haiti july 27 at 9:35am. [i already don't want to leave and i'm not even there yet.]

- arrive in fort lauderdale at 12:33pm. [our time.]

- depart fort lauderdale airport at 4:20pm.

- arrive at the detroit airport at 7:23pm.

- get home, sleeeep, and dream about the beautiful kids we had to leave behind.

so! we've got a busy few weeks ahead of us! it was easy enough writing it all down though! now let me explain everything a little more.

okay so julie and i are SO EXCITED to do a VBS/summer camp with the kids at the orphanage! at first we weren't sure what to base the VBS on. i thought of the ten commandments and we went with that for a while, but then we came up with a better idea; the armor of God!!

so that's what we decided on! it seems simple enough, but believe me, it was a LOT of work!! here's what each day consists of:

9-9:30am: opening and skit

9:30-10am: game time!

10-10:30am: arts and crafts!

10:30-11:30am: english lesson done by mom and ketura isidor!

11:30-12pm: skit time

12-1pm: lunchh

1-1:30pm: music!!

1:30-2pm: scripture

2-2:30pm: closing

for each day we have a game, craft, scripture, and skit to match the piece of armor for that day. here's the armor schedule: [lots of lists in this post...hope you don't mind!]

monday: into/belt of truth

tuesday: breastplate of righteousness

wednesday: shoes of the gospel of peace

thursday: shield of faith

friday: helmet of salvation AND sword of the spirit

we are just so excited to do the VBS with the kids! i mean, we'd love to do anything with them, but this way we're actually making a difference! and we get to share God's love with them while having tons of fun!! when julie and i planned our trip we said we didn't want to just go down to be there; we wanted a purpose. who would have thought we would have so much fun planning it too?!

along with making up games and crafts for everyday, we also wrote a song for the week! it's a little goofy, but it was near the end of our planning and our brains were fried!! it's to the tune of "head, shoulders, knees, and toes":

belt, breastplate, and my shoes

(and my shoes!)

God's armor i will use

(i will use)

shield of faith

my helmet and my sword

God's armor i will use

(i will use)

first, i put on my belt of truth

(belt of truth)

without it there's nothing i can do

(i can do)

Jesus is the only way

i put on my belt of truth

(belt of truth)

the breastplate of righteousness

(righteousness)

it defends me and protects

(and protects)

it keeps me strong

so i know right from wrong

the breastplate of righteousness

(righteousness)

shoes i walk in every day

(every day)

the gospel of peace is the way

(is the way)

follow Christ wherever he may lead

shoes of the gospel of peace

(of peace)

hold up the shield of faith

(shield of faith)

i walk with and use it every day

(every day)

trusting God that i will be okay

i hold up the shield of faith

(shield of faith)

helmet of salvation on my head

(on my head)

sword of the spirit in my hand

(in my hand)

God loves us no matter what we do

Jesus loves me,

He loves you too!

(loves you too!)

hahaha. i told you it was goofy! but hopefully it won't be too hard for the kids to sing along. we tried to make it relevant and simple!

for the games, we have lots of different things planned! i won't explain them all [you'll see videos of them when i'm home, i'm sure], but i can assure you that we got plenty of water balloons and squirt guns and incorporated them into almost all of the games! so that will be tons of fun for the kids and i'm realized how great of an idea it was to buy a waterproof video camera!

arts and crafts are going to be a blast! we have strips of fabric that the kids will decorate and tie around their waists' to be "belt of truth" for monday. we even have big foam crosses to be the belt buckles!!

we have everything accounted for and planned as much as we can! now all we have to do if figure out how to pack everything! we successfully packed one bag [we're only allowed one bag per person] and it's the VBS bag! we got all of the VBS supplies to fit in the bag except for the belts of truth. and after a lot of work and adjusting, we got it to weigh 48.6 pounds!! so we're all set for that one.

on my last trip in march, i packed all my clothes and everything i needed in just a carryon backpack, but i was also only gone for 6 days. this time, i was confident that i wouldn't be able to fit it all in my backpack, but sure enough i did!! now all we have to fit in the big bag are julie's things and some clothes for the kids!!

i just can't even explain how excited i am to be going back to haiti. and so soon at that! i'm so excited to see how God works through us while we're there, how julie and my friendship grows through Christ, how my relationship with my parents strengths, to see my beautiful friends israelson, antoine, and warens, to see leonie and ezechias, and to meet ketura!! God is just bringing all of us together to do AMAZING work for Him.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus."

Philippians 4:6-7

so i think we're homefree. we just have to get there now, but hopefully with protection and God's speed we'll be there in no time at all.

women of four13: East Coast and back.

women of four13: East Coast and back.

East Coast and back.

On Monday morning, Kati, her boyfriend, Kurt, my friend, Barb and I left Michigan to move Kati to Delaware for graduate school and a graduate fellowship at Winterthur. It was a quick, but wonderful adventure.

Kati will be living in a gorgeous older home with two of the other young ladies in her program. I would move into that home in a heartbeat:

So that's the place that she'll be living. And this is where she will be spending most of her time...

This is the Winterthur mansion, now museum...not the greatest photo or angle, but it was 102 degrees at that point.

This is the "cottage" that the DuPont family moved into after living in the mansion. Apparently easier to care for, as it is only 50 rooms as compared to the 170+ rooms in the mansion....

So, this was wonderful to visit, and I am already trying to figure out when Tom and I can get there when it's about 30 degrees cooler so that we can actually spend some time there.

Barb and I left early yesterday morning (4:30 am) in order to get Barb home in time for her first meeting with some young teens from our church to begin a Bible study on Proverbs. Barb has a true heart for these young ladies, and has planned a great summer Bible study for them on summer afternoons out on her boat. Doesn't that sound great? So, we were on our way and making great time, when in western Pennsylvania, this happened:

Which happened right after our friend Chris, called to pray with us about safety for our trip, the rest of our day, the Bible study, and my upcoming travels to Haiti.  While Chris and Barb were praying, I was carefully navigating the van through a heavy duty construction zone over the Allegheny River, where there was a new bridge being constructed, and no shoulder or pull off, whatsoever. Less than a mile after leaving this area, the tire blew out, and there was a shoulder for me to pull over. While disappointed, we were thankful we were safe. 

Barb looked out the window and saw this

                           A beautiful plant (or weed?) that we were able to view, at which point we realized that in all that heat, we were also parked in the shade as we waited for the tow truck to arrive.

I was thankful that my husband had the wisdom to get a AAA membership, which provided us a free tow truck on the Pennsylvania Turnpike. The driver informed us that with my make and model of van, we would never have been able to change the tire ourselves. While he was putting on the spare, Barb called Kevin, who I referred to as our "spare husband." With Tom in Haiti, and her husband in China on business, we needed a husband to call to find out how long we could drive on that spare tire. It was good to have a spare husband for "such a time as this!" Kevin told us to purchase a new tire as soon as possible. 

So, about 3 hours and wonderful lunch at Panera later (in a very "Panera-unlikely" town, Barb and I resumed our trip. She had to cancel her first Bible study, which made me sad, but it couldn't be helped. The rest of our trip was uneventful. It was, however, interesting for us to note that our tire blow out happened in the 1 mile stretch between 2 construction zones that had no shoulders for pull off. We were very thankful that we were safe, and if that tire needed to go, it went in just the spot it did.

I hope that in your life today, even if some seemingly bad things happen that change your plans, you are able to spot the good and be thankful for it all.                                    

mwen pa konnen.

"mwen pa konnen" is creole for "i don't know". i couldn't think of anything better for a title and it sounds better in creole. ;]

this is my first post and i'm a little unsure of what to write about. i was telling my mom how i feel like i have so much to say that it seems like there's nothing to say at all. it's kind of an annoying feeling. so i guess i'll just start with the basics and whatever comes to mind.

i'm adrianne. i'm twenty. [yup; i am a teen no longer.] i am going to be a junior this fall at oakland university. i'm majoring in communications and minoring in sociology. i have dog, well, a boosh. his name is rocky. and he's a boooooosh. i love the beach. i love making videos and music videos. [some of you may have seen some goofy one's i've made before. they're just so much funnn.] i've recently taken up guitar and i played the ukulele a lot better before i started learning how to play guitar. i work at tim hortons. [lisa franey gets vanilla dip donuts for the girls some mornings before school.] it may sound easy, but some people like their coffee very complicated. and it's amazing the amount of multitasking it takes to run a successful tim hortons. it can be crazy sometimes, but i love it.

my life as a whole is kinda crazy right now. it's funny how you can live your life a certain way for so long and then realize it's completely not what you wanted at all. i had a sort of epiphany like this about six months ago. and let me tell you, it's been a crazy six months.

it all started after the earthquake in haiti on january 12th. it was like i woke up after being asleep for the past two years.

at that time, i thought i had my whole life planned out. [i can just picture God up there cracking up at me and my silly "life plans".] i was going to school for communications, but i intended on becoming a film editor. i was in a relationship with logan and we had been dating for almost two years at that point. we had talked endlessly about how we were going to get married, have four kids [tutton charles, hayden thomas, noah, and june], get great jobs, he would coach the hockey team, i would NOT get a minivan...etc. we had everything planned and i was happy! i was so excited for my future, but the thing is, it was MY future. the future i had planned for myself. i got lost in a boy and in our material everyday life. i forgot that i don't make the plans; God does. and he made sure he made that clear to me.

after the earthquake happened, i was heartbroken. i didn't know what to do with myself. i couldn't even stand to talk about it. i ignored it for the first week because i just couldn't respond. i didn't know how to feel or what to do. and then i knew. i knew i needed to be there. all i could think about were those beautiful children at the orphanage. i don't know how i forgot about my love for haiti, but after the earthquake happened i was reminded of a huge part of me that had somehow gotten lost in my everyday life.

when i was sixteen and first went to haiti, i left knowing that i wanted to work at the orphanage when i grew up. even on my second trip, i knew that's what i was meant to do. and then i met logan and fell in love. hard. and nothing else seemed to matter. i went away to school. met new people. had new experiences. i just got caught up in life and somehow lost haiti. when i heard about the earthquake, it was like a kick in the face. all i wanted to do was be there with those kids.

so i started talking to my parents about when we could go, what we could do, but all anyone said was "we can't go now, we'd just be in the way, we just have to wait". and i knew that was the truth, but it was honestly killing me to just sit there day in and day out and think about what was happening in haiti. i felt so useless and pathetic. then i had an idea.

i made a few phone calls and before i knew it the haiti lives! benefit was on the calendar! with the help of a few beautiful women at good shepherd lutheran church, i held a haiti coffeehouse benefit at my church. there was live music, food, drinks, and friends! it was a lot of work and it wouldn't have been possible without the awesome help i received, but it was so worth it. i finally felt like i was doing something to help haiti! i knew that i was doing all i could do to help without being there. and that was an amazing feeling.

another thing that God put into my life is perhaps the most beautiful friendship that i have ever had with a lovely girl named julianne sabo.

julie and i have known each other since we were in high school, but we were never really friends. i sincerely believe that God brought julie and i together to do amazing things. after the earthquake happened, i was heartbroken. i felt like no one else really knew how i felt or what was going on. then i started talking to julie. i don't even know what brought about our conversations, but i can tell you that my friendship with julie gave me hope. it was like when we were together talking about our love for haiti nothing else mattered and anything could happen. [sounds kinda dorky, but it's true.] we could just sit and talk for hours about God and haiti and how we couldn't live without them. i can tell you that i have never had a more inspiring and beautiful friendship before. it was amazing. she and i soon discovered that we were feeling the exact same way about haiti. about being there and working there. we would sit and talk and pray about what God wanted us to do. my relationship with julie has opened my eyes to so many things that i never would have even thought about before. i am so blessed with the best friend God could have picked out for me.

[sorry, got sidetracked. back to the craziness that is my life now.]

soon after the haiti benefit, tom and i planned our trip to haiti. we left march 23rd and came back the 29th. i was nervous about my trip, one: because i'd never been to haiti without a mission team. i was worried i wouldn't love it as much if my friends weren't there with me. and two: i hoped that this trip would help me understand God's calling for my life.

it was a lot of pressure for just a week long trip! so we set off and, as it always does, went by too fast.

as we were waiting for our plane to take off for fort lauderdale i was feeling something different than every other time i've left haiti. normally, i am sad to be leaving the kids and the izidors, but i'm exicted to go home to my friends, my family, and my booooosh. but this time i didn't feel that. i had absolutely no desire to go home. in fact, i felt like i was leaving home. i was sort of a weird experience. i mean, i knew i would see my mom, my boyfriend, my boosh when i got home, but i wasn't excited like i had been before. and that's when i knew for sure.

as i started thinking about what God's plan for me in haiti meant i started thinking about what things in my life i would have to sacrifice to live out His plan. i wouldn't get an expensive car, i wouldn't get a fancy job or a big house, but for once in my life this didn't disappoint me. i actually couldn't understand why i had wanted those things in the first place. and it's so weird, even now, that i just don't get that life anymore. and i'm not saying anyone's wrong for wanting those things; it's just not what i want anymore.

and look at me now! it's now three and a half months later and i'm getting ready to go back again!! i can't even explain how excited i am! julie, my mom, and i are headed back to les cayes, haiti on july 12!

i really want to go into more detail about this trip coming up and i will!! just not tonight because i have to work at timmys at 5:30am tomorrow so it's already past my bedtime annnnd i've already written waaaay too much. you guys are probably going into information overload here. i pinky promise i will post about this trip before we leave!

"...love the Lord and follow His plan for your lives. cling to Him and serve Him enthusiastically."

Joshua 22:5

it took some time and an earthquake, but God has finally gotten his message through to me. i finally get it. and it feels good.