hmmmm....

Well, I must say that I am a little out of sorts. The re-entry to U.S. life has really been okay, I think. I have had moments each day when I gasp at something that immediately takes me back to Haiti...usually it's a moment of stark contrast between life there and life here. Each day I am thinking of those kids and my "family" that is there, and that life for them continues to be difficult...I heard from Israelson today that they are averaging 3-4 hours of electricity a day, if lucky. That's hard. It's hard to be in that heat and be drinking warm water, soda or juice because your freezer can't keep anything cold, much less frozen, and there isn't even ice to be purchased. Life threatening? No. Difficult? Yes. It just gets old.

But, I digress.

I am in my second week back at work, and the people that covered for me while I was gone did a fabulous job! But, there are things that only I can do, and there are now 7 weeks worth of those things. What was carefully monitored for me while I was away is now lovingly (most of the time) being handed to me with little red flags waving from it. "Do me! Do me!"

Adrianne did an awesome job caring for our home while she was here and we were away...yet, there are things that you "house managers" know needs to get done in 6 weeks that weren't on her radar. I'm gradually taking care of those...

Tom and I now share a car...a lovely thing, really, but while there isn't a financial cost to sharing a car when both people work, there is a time cost. Tom is not leaving for work as early as he used to because he is waiting for me, and because he usually drops me off first. I, on the other hand, don't have that 15-30 minutes that I used to take in the morning to straighten up, throw in a load of laundry, water the plants, or put dinner in the crock pot. I refuse to give up working out...I've simply moved it from a 5:15 am start to a 5 am start. On the other end, instead of getting home by 5 pm and starting dinner, I am getting home at 6 pm, a little less optimistic about cooking anything at that point! Disclaimer: I plan my week's menu each Saturday and purchase my groceries for the week on Saturday or Sunday. It's not that I'm not prepared...it's that I'm tired. BUT, if YOU need a meal plan that will save you time and money, check out Leanne Ely at here.

So, this may sound like a lot of whining. I hope not. To me it's just a description of my reality, or season, right now. I'm not unhappy, but I'm a bit overwhelmed. And, my heart hurts. (Not literally for those in the medical profession that read this...)

I am just waiting for God to reveal His plan in all of this. Tom is going down to 3 days a week at his job, beginning this week. He's not working any less, he is just going to be devoting more time to Firmly Rooted Ministry, and boy, does he need to do that! There is so much to be done!

I also feel the pull to be in ministry...with him, for women, in Haiti, for children...all of it! But, at this point, I'm struggling to get dinner on the table and the laundry done. You know what I mean? I haven't been able to post on here, even though it's on my mind each and every day.

So....God's plan for me is clearly not to crash and burn, although at this pace it seems like a possibility.  What could He want then? He has my faith and my ear...it's just that the plan is coming in a little gray and fuzzy to me at this point.

So, after all of this, you know the reason for the title..."hmmmm...."

There is still a house payment for an underwater mortgage, a car payment for the shared vehicle, and student loans...do you see my conflict?

So, I am still hmmmmmmm-ing. Not unhappy, not complaining, just a little bewildered. Certainly in anticipation of what happens next....and trying hard to keep one foot in ministry and the other in responsibility.

If any of you have wisdom, insight or clarity, I'd love to hear it. If not, if you could just remember me in your prayers, I'd be most appreciative.

In the meantime, this is what I am reading, uttering to myself, and saying in almost every sigh throughout the day:

"For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, 

plans to prosper you and not to harm you, 

plans to give you hope and future." 

Jeremiah 29:11

Did you catch that? He doesn't just whisper it, note it, or say it. He declares it! I don't know about you, but I take a declaration seriously. I am putting my faith in this.

In Him.

~kimberly