Thursday, October 28, 2010

Raising Responsible Kids....



It is a much cooler (20 some degrees) and blustery morning this morning.


I had the blissful experience of sleeping until 6:27 am, at which point Max the 80 lb puppy told me it was time to get food in his belly.
So, well armed with coffee and fuzzy slippers I took to taking care of the dogs and doing my devotions. When it was light enough, I took the photo of the yard and the skies....definitely winter-ish.

I am excited this morning because I get to do one of the things that I love most, which is speak with moms about raising their children! Being a wife and mother is why I feel I was placed on this earth, with the additional gift of being able to share from my experiences to help and encourage other moms. What a great gig!

This morning I will be speaking to the dear mommies that attend MOPS (Mothers of Preschoolers) at Good Shepherd Lutheran Church. I will share what I have learned about raising my daughters, who at this point in their lives (almost 23 years, and the twins, 20 years), are very responsible, successful and happy most days!

If you have been reading recent posts, you will see what each of my daughters has had to say about growing around me...not always a walk in the park because I "lose it" just like everyone else. But, in the end, through all of history, most glorious, some painful, I think we had more wins than losses, and God has been so very good to us.

Since I am doing this same talk for another moms group in a couple of weeks, and have done it a few times in the past, I decided to invest some extra time and recreate a couple of the tools that I used with my own girls. Here they are:

In an effort to raise responsible, organized and generous children, I borrowed a system that I had heard about for them to save their money. Any money that they received, they put 40% in spend, 40% in save and 20% in give. The vehicle for saving took many forms over the years....jars, envelopes, whatever was handy (always cute), and something they were excited about.


This is a replica of the chore charts they had when they were young. They got to pick from a number of tasks pictured on cards with a one word description (pre-reading skills), and they picked a certain number for the week. They would pull a card from to do, do the task and then place it in done. The tasks were always about being age appropriate, relevant to them at their age, and once done give them a feeling of success.

Also, in my increasing efforts to "go green," I didn't provide a packet of handouts for everyone, but instead am making some of the items I referenced available here  for those that are interested. Please, help yourself.

I can't wait to hear how you help your kids grow up to be amazing! Leave me a comment and we will share our ideas.

And, if you know someone that would like to hear more about this, let me know. This is what I LOVE to do...

Monday, October 25, 2010

so long, insecurity



WOW! What a great evening I just had with a bunch of amazing women! Tonight was our first night of a book discussion group on the book by Beth Moore, So Long, Insecurity, You've Been a Bad Friend to Us.
So Long, Insecurity: You've Been a Bad Friend to Us If you aren't able to join us, I still encourage you to pick up the book and read it. Even if you don't struggle with issues of insecurity, I am confident when I tell you that you are surrounded by females that are! 

Anyways, eight women, some of whom didn't know others that were there, came to my house, some not knowing me....to delve into this book tonight. 

I think that I can speak for each of us when I say that we are all attending for a reason...God placed it in each woman's heart to make time, arrange childcare, buy a book, and show up. 

Some may be on the journey because there is something that God wants to show them...others may be on it to help the rest of us learn...others, just so that they can be role models to the young women that they encounter.

Whatever it is, I am SO excited to be a part of it and witness it! What a great 11 weeks this is going to be!

Ladies, thanks for enriching my life this evening, and for making Mondays a little brighter!

I look forward to your comments, insights, questions and thoughts here. Please note that your comment will not instantly appear, as I have to approve it before it shows up.

See you next week! (If you would still like to join us, just let me know...we are very informal...)

kimberly

you're responsible for you.

i am the last, but not the least to post!! sorry i haven't been blogging lately. twenty credits, working the days i'm not in school, fundraising, and planning haiti mission teams really keep me busy!!

so i'm supposed to write about how my mother turned me into such a well-behaved young lady. well, seeing as i really don't remember much from my childhood, i found this blog post very difficult to write. [obviously, since i put it off for quite a while..] but here i am. writing it.

when she told me what she wanted me to write about, immediately one memory came to mind. well, probably just a memory because i've heard the story so many times, but even so, a memory.

my mom took my sisters and i grocery shopping one day. obviously when you're a kid you're either messing around, thinking about how bored your are, or looking at all the things you want to get while you're grocery shopping with mom. well, i knew what i wanted; a big bag of suckers. my mom always taught us to eat healthy so obviously she wouldn't buy me a giant bag of bubblegum suckers. so when we were waiting in line at the register, i just took them.

i guess at that age i wasn't really sure what was going to happen if i was caught and maybe i didn't even know what i was doing! i honestly don't remember what i was thinking besides how much i wanted a sucker.

so when we got home my mom realized what i had done. instead of just taking the suckers away and punishing me, she did me one better. my mother took me and my sisters alllll the way back to the store where she then made me return the bag of suckers and apologize to the cashier.

boy, was that the most embarrassing moment of my little life. it was then and there i realized one: that stealing was bad and two: that i needed to take responsibility for what i had done. she didn't just put me in a time-out at home. she made me go face the very person i had stolen from. although i'm sure i was ashamed and embarrassed at the time, but i am so glad my mom taught me that lesson.

i mean, i didn't just learn not to steal, but i knew from then on if i did something wrong it was only my fault. i couldn't blame someone else or just hide from what i'd done. you always need to take responsibility.

also, she definitely taught my sisters and i the value of money and responsibility with it. i think we were around 13 or 14 when my mom told us that from then on we were responsible for buying clothes that we wanted. she would take us school shopping once or twice a year and get us clothing, but if we wanted anything extra we needed to pay for it.

this taught me that i can't just ask for anything i want and get it. we had to earn things we wanted. i know so many people i've grown up with and gone to school with that don't have value in anything because their parents just give it to them. i mean, i can't even remember the last time my parents just gave me money because i asked for it. i'm not even sure if that EVER happened when i was growing up.

i just see all these kids today throwing money away like it's nothing and they're not even grateful for it! i am SO thankful that my mom instilled that in us at such a young age. i think that kept us grounded and thankful for everything that we did get. there are kids my age that are still asking mom and dad for money for everything they want. i take pride in the fact that i pay for my own car every month, i pay for my own clothes, i pay for extra fun things i want to go out and do with my friends, i pay for new tires, i could go on and on. i mean, i feel like if i didn't pay for it myself i just won't have as much value for it.

another thing my mom always taught us was to be polite. i can't tell you how many times my friends parents have commented on how polite i am. and they always say something like "oh i wish johnny here spoke to me as nicely as you do!" that always makes me sad. and to see how some of kids treat their parents. it's like no one's teaching their kids respect anymore. at tim hortons and at the movie theater i have seen some of the rudest children ever. they just yell and scream and speak to their parents like they're inferior. and i don't think they mean to or even know they're doing it! it's just how they've learned to get what they want. i just wish kids were still learning the kind of politeness and respect that i was taught when i was growing up.

i am so thankful for how my mom [and tom!!] raised my sisters and i. almost every time i go over to a friends house i am reminded of what amazing parents God has blessed me with. i truly believe that the way i was raised has had a HUGE impact on my performance in school, work, and my life. and now that i've started typing there's more i want to say! but i'm babysitting and i think she just got home so i've got to wrap it up. thanks for being just good parents mom and tom!! we love you!

Sunday, October 24, 2010

"Did you do your best?"

My mom asked me to post about how I thought I became a responsible and successful young woman. I've been thinking about it for the last few days, and it wasn't really a list or a specific lesson that came to mind.

I think the thing that has really made me successful and responsible is the fact that I was always encouraged to be proud of myself and my work. When I did great at something, like an assignment or a role in a play, I was made to feel proud of myself. When I didn't do so well at something, my mom always asked me, "did you do your best?" If I had, then I had no reason not to be proud of my performance.

I knew that my parents were proud of me, of course, but I was also taught to be proud of what I have done. In middle school and high school, my friends would tell me about how their parents were upset with them for grades they had gotten or how their parents pressured them into spending long hours on homework or something else. I never felt like I was being pressured, though. I wanted to do well because it made me feel good, because I knew that the things I did represented me. And I knew that if I tried my best I had something to be proud of.

Unfortunately, I don't know exactly how this sense of self-pride was instilled. I think it has something to do with positive reinforcement for good behavior and only asking for someone to do her best. I know a lot of kids that I went to school with resented their parents for nagging them about grades or activities or anything else, but I always felt like I was supported or steered gently in the right direction.

Sorry I'm not on Facebook anymore, everybody! I'll be back soon, probably. It was a crazy two weeks of school (four papers, an oral exam, and two presentations) and I needed to eliminate all the time-wasters I could. Don't worry, I did my best on all of them...


Doing laundry...


Today I am sitting here while I have the most perfect batch off cookies in the oven. When my mom asked me to write about responsibilities or things I have found useful in my college career I honestly had no idea what to write on. But, then it came to me. I am a Resident Assistant [someone who looks over a floor in a Res Hall to make sure everyone is safe and following the rules, also someone to help create community and someone people can talk to about any issues] to over 200 people and I have some great insight on how my life is different from so many others.

Growing up, my mother always made us do our laundry and pack our own lunches. I tell people she has made us do that since Second Grade but that might just be an exaggeration. In a college community, knowing how to do laundry is a GREAT asset. I have seen dozens of freshman not know how to do laundry so I, or others, end up having to teach a group. It is incredibly useful to be able to do your own laundry. Another great thing that I was taught growing up was how to eat healthy. One might think, "If I talk to my son or daughter about eating the right things then they will be fine when they go to school". But to be honest, if you are not feeding your child the right kinds of foods growing up then they will have no idea how to stay healthy on their own. I was fortunate enough not to gain the 'freshman 15' but, I know so many of my residents that have already gained weight in 2 months because at our cafeteria there is always ice cream, cookies, and cake available. One can eat how ever much they want and there is no one to tell them no. If you instill on someone at a young age that eating healthy is important, it is less likely they will have an issue when they are on their own.

I think one of the most important skills to know when going away to college is knowing what your morals and boundaries are. I was lucky to have such strong parents that taught me right from wrong. But, I know many people that do not have those values. I have been able to keep a good head on my shoulders and make smart decisions for almost 2.5 years of school.

Something else that has been very useful for me is knowing how to cook/baking. Hanging out in a kitchen eating good food brings people together like you wouldn't believe. Especially college students. I bake at least once a week and I always have tons of people in and out of the kitchen asking if they can have some of what I made or just hanging out and talking. It really is a great way to get to know people.

I never really thought about how much what my mom has taught me has really affected how I live my day to day life. Everything I do correlates back to how she raised me and I wouldn't have it any other way. Yes, she was very strict but everything I learned from her has made me the person I am. Being strict really does work. But, don't be overly strict! Having skills that my mom taught me from when I was young has really helped me succeed at college. I can never thank her enough for all that she has done for me!

from my point of view...

Life is beautiful this morning! I'm feeling (temporarily) on top of some tasks.

I've been working on my presentations about raising responsible, successful, happy kids and feeling incredibly blessed.

It's Sunday, which is beautiful just because of the day...soon to church to visit with family there and worship.

And, while it's gray outside, this is my view as I type this morning

Just so beautiful, in the way that beauty happens in the fall on a gray, wet day.

I am missing my better half like crazy, and I smile as I think of him this morning driving alone in Belgium. If you know Tom, this is not the sort of adventure that makes him all warm inside. But, it's adventure nonetheless, and I hope he is making the most of it.

So, that's my point of view this morning. Let's spend today focusing on the blessings, our successes (even if they are small in our eyes), the beauty that surrounds us, the One that created that beauty, and the adventures that lie ahead..

Thursday, October 21, 2010

life{in}grace

Please check out my very favorite blog these days...and be part of the 12 Days of Handmade Christmas if you are interested, by clicking here!

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Participation Needed Please!...

If you are a faithful reader, (thank you!) you know that every once in awhile one of my three daughters (pictured above), posts on this site. I think the world of them, but of course, I carried them for many months, and have spent a considerable amount of time just hanging out with them, so of course, I think they are awesome!


But, besides just me, there's a few others in this world that have remarked about what a blessing it is to have one successful, gifted, happy child, let alone three! I am the first to admit, that we are very blessed, and in so many ways. There is something to be said for praying for your unborn children, even before they are conceived, and giving them to their Creator before you even meet them. And, I can't even begin to calculate the number of minutes, hours and days that I have spent in fervent prayer over them since they came into my life....


But, that said, I do believe that there are certain things that we can do as parents, mothers in particular, to raise children that are happy and successful...and seem to be responsible and just "get stuff done."

In the next several weeks I am speaking to two different groups of moms on raising responsible, happy, successful children. Not that I have all the answers. Or even very many, really. But, I do have some things to share that I did with my girls, that I believe in, and that sadly, I see lacking in our society today.

I believe that we as parents have a responsibility to do our best to teach our children to be responsible, and I want to share what has worked (and not worked!) for me to help parents do just that.

So, the test is going to be to see if my girls will venture out in this forum and write a little bit about how they were raised and what led them to be be the incredible young women they are today. I am going to email them to give them a heads up...but if you know them, you might encourage them too.

And, if you have your own tips or observations of my family that you've made over the years, I would LOVE to have you comment here. The more input I can get for these presentations, the better they will be!

Saturday, October 16, 2010

fall photos...

If you read my post from earlier today, you read that I wanted to do something...something!...


So, after I learned how to make a collage, I went out and took a few photos and played a little more.

Here is the result


And while I am happy with the collage, I am wishing that it was showing up larger...but, that's for another day, I suppose.

Here are some photos I took this evening...

 The last few gerber daisies making an appearance...
The "Cinderella" pumpkin at sunset...

This was all sort of fun on a day when I was feeling rather confused about things...

Playing...

I have been wishing so frequently recently, and praying fervently for the ability to have time to do all the things that I love to do more often...like...

studying the Word
making yummy meals
taking photos
ministry with women
hanging out with kids
blogging
knitting
sewing
decorating my home with things that i find at garage sales and thrift stores

And, I am trying to figure out what happens when selfishness, calling, passion and midlife crisis collide...

So, I've increased my intake of omega-3 fish oil (good for depression, anxiety and nice skin), started a new personal Bible study (Beth Moore...Jesus...a 90 Day study...), and researched blogging and photography some. Here's what I learned to do today...
I'm sure it seems simple, but I didn't know how to add a photo collage to my blog...and now I do! These are some of my favorites from Haiti, and my very first try, and for today, it makes me feel like I got to do something that I have been wanting to do.

As for the rest, I will keep wishing, hoping, praying, dreaming, and looking for opportunities.

Truth be told, I have just never given up on wanting to be the stay at home wife and mom with the big, old farmhouse (with awesome technology), and a place to do ministry.

For today, it's a photo collage.

Monday, October 11, 2010

loving fall...and the moments in fall...

I posted a couple of weeks ago about realizing that I love fall, and most of winter, actually...that it's just February and March that really start to get to me.  I resolved at that moment to start embracing each day and I'll just muddle through those other months when I get to them! That has worked pretty well for me so far! Of course, having great weather hasn't hurt either.

In the spirit of embracing fall, and due to the fact that I owned no fall decorations that were more recent than 1995, I worked with a friend on a couple of fall decor' projects. Here is one that took awhile, but will last many years.
I am pleased with how it turned out:



I have also been knitting quite a bit and doing a little bit of sewing, now that I have a borrowed vintage Montgomery Wards Signature sewing machine in my home! My parents bought me a Kenmore sewing machine when I first got married in 1984...it sewed my clothes and all sorts of little girl sundresses and fancy dresses, then faithfully sewed all sorts of costumes for various dramatic productions that my girls were involved in over the years from middle school through high school. During Stephani and Adrianne's junior (?) year, Stephani was chosen to be Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz, and Adrianne was the Scarecrow. Of course, the beginning of the movie was in black & white, so that necessitated making 2 Dorothy costumes...one in tan and white gingham (to replicate a "sepia" look) and the traditional in blue and white gingham. Well, late one evening, during the blue & white jumper phase, my faithful Kenmore died. Just died. It was a sad moment, 20+ years we had been together. Of course, the costumes were needed soon for dress rehearsal, and my life was crazy, as usual. I ran to our local Meijer store and purchased a sewing machine for $100. It finished the costume, and the ones for the subsequent senior year productions ( mean stepsisters in Cinderella comes to mind as just one that year...), but has done little since.

I mentioned to a friend my issue a few weeks ago (remember the canning tomatoes photo? One of those friends...and she let me know that there was an old sewing machine at church that I could borrow. I tried it for the first time yesterday, and it was a beautiful thing! There is a sticker on it that says that it was last serviced in 1988...I can tell you that when it stitches just a straight stitch, it is like cutting butter with a warm knife...so solid, even, and, well, secure...My only issue is that I cannot figure out how to wind a bobbin. Looking on the internet has not helped....so, that is my challenge for this week.

Anyways, I am loving doing these more domestic activities, and am looking forward to sewing more once I figure out the bobbin thingie! I want to make some cloth napkins this fall, so hopefully I will figure it out soon....

And, in other other news, I am so excited about the upcoming book discussion that I am hosting!  I was so moved by this book over the summer, but really wasn't sure if I was supposed to widen the group of women that were exposed to it...I spoke a couple of weeks ago to a lovely group of women at a local church, and the day that I was praying about that speaking, I just kept hearing a voice that said to my spirit, "You need to invite them to the book discussion." It was so clear, and repetitive. So, that night, I told them that I would be offering my home as a book discussion group for this particular book...the response was good. Since then, the response has been awesome! I am so excited! Women that I don't know have heard about it, called or emailed me, and are coming in 2 weeks! Wow! When God tells you to do something, He clearly provides the way, doesn't He? I CAN'T WAIT TO SEE WHAT HE HAS IN STORE!

O.m.goodness.

If you are interested, here is the link to order the book:


The details for the meetings are:
Starting Monday, October 25th, 7 pm at my home. Comment, or email me for the address.
Bring the book, a pen/pencil/highlighter and a notebook
Let me know that you are planning to attend.
Invite a friend if so inclined.

I'm not stressed about the number of people that show up...God knows who needs to be here and He will make it happen.

Blessings on your fall-ish week! I pray that you are embracing this season!

kimberly

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

upcoming book discussion....

Good afternoon...(it's not 7 yet, so it's still afternoon, right?)

I just wanted to post a special invitation about the upcoming book discussion group to be held at my house.

In short, this book changed my life, and I believe that not only should every woman (young and old) read it, but every human being. I realize that only leaves the male species...

You can read reviews of this book on Amazon if you'd like. All I can say is that since we live in a society where media dictates what we should look like, act like and be like, and since we almost all have issues from our past that have deeply hurt us, we have a responsibility to ourselves, our spouses, our children, and the young ladies that surround us to recognize what has made insecure, and our unhealthy reactions because of our insecurity.

This book and study will cause you to dig deep, ask some hard questions, do some quiet reflection, and, in the end, realize who you are and Whose you are. It's not just for believers, so if you know someone that could benefit, but is not a believer, by all means, invite her. Just let her know that we will open and close in prayer...other than that, we're discussing a book. (Oh, until the end, when there will be an invitation, but that's after many weeks together...)

Here are the details:

When?............. Monday evenings starting October 25
When??.......... 7 pm
Where?.......... at my house, in Oxford - if you need directions, comment and I will get it to you
What else?... no childcare - sorry
Needs?......... bring the book with you (order soon from link below), a pencil/pen & notebook

This is the link for a paperback...you can do hardcover, paperback, cd's, or kindle...you just need your own copy of the book. If you order from this link, a portion of your purchase goes back to our ministry...(it costs you the same, they just give me a portion.)

That's it! No arm twisting, as I completely believe that the women that are supposed to be here will be here. I just feel compelled to share this book, and wish that while in Haiti and reading it I'd had someone to discuss it with...that's where this all came from...oh, yeah...and a strong feeling that I was supposed to be doing this! :)

Comment with thoughts or questions. Let me know if you will be attending so I can plan accordingly...

Blessings!
kimberly

Sunday, October 3, 2010

embracing seasons...

Yes, it's true that I am not a big fan of gray skies and cold weather, but I am a fan of fall! And, I realized the other day that really, I just don't like the cold weather in Michigan in February and March. I can handle the rest! So, instead of bemoaning fall because summer is over, I choose to embrace fall, look forward the the changing trees and soon to be blowing snow, and will just hunker down and endure February and March when they get here!

Here are just a few fall photos that make me smile...

 Canning tomatoes on a chilly Saturday morning with my friends Barb and Marge! Don't they look yummy? Bring on February...
 This photo that Adrianne texted to me after an afternoon at the Renaissance Festival! (How can one still be so beautiful with a zebra face?)

This over my front yard early another Saturday morning....
(I WILL do that one day around my birthday.... )
And this view from my deck yesterday morning...rainy, but beautiful as things are starting to change color...

So, as I choose to embrace fall and the approaching winter, I think upon this verse, first from Young's Literal Translation:

"To everything -- a season, 
and a time to every delight 
under the heavens"

or

from The Message:

"There's an opportune time 
to do things; 
a right time for everything 
on the earth"

Ecclesiastes 3:1

Which tells me that these seasons that I love (for the most part) are doing the right thing at the right time...and my changing focus and activities are also right, and to be a delight and God-pleasing, just as the seasons are....hmmm...might that also apply to bigger things in my life?

I believe so. 

For now, it is time for me to be in ministry here in Oxford, MI...and while my heart spends a lot of time in Haiti, I know that there is a season for that, as well. And my time in each place may very serve the very purpose of preparing me for the other. 

It's something to think about...

(And, as my heart has been in Haiti the last couple of days, one of the thing I am doing this afternoon is preparing a Haitian dinner...fried Plantains (finally found them!), Picklese (a spicy cabbage/carrot salad, and tuna with onions and Indian hot sauce...yum! It's also part of this season, and I will delight in it!) Here's a photo, added after dinner. Good thing I can edit my posts!

and, from 12 o'clock in clockwise order, we have Indian Hot Sauce (mixed with the hot tuna and mixed with ketchup for dipping plantains), hot tuna, fried plantains with Picklese (spicy cabbage salad on top), and a mango napkin holder made in Haiti, as well as a placemat made in Haiti by our wonderful cook, Ziane! Did my heart (and tummy!) good!